When you google the term "vow" you find this definition:
"solemnly promise to do a specific thing"
That's what vows are - a promise to your partner
Your vows are very personal. They are the commitment you are making to your partner that will show your values for your marriage and your future together. They represent your feelings and thoughts towards your partner. There is no right or wrong way to write your values, as long as they are coming from the heart.
Writing your own vows can add so much more emotional and sentimental value to your wedding day. There are no rules in writing your own vows, but I do hope this guide helps in assisting you to write your perfect vows.
Here are some of my best tips to starting the personal journey of writing your own vows:
- Talk about your vows with your partner & go over this guide together but keep your final piece a secret!
- Pick out the perfect 'vow writing journal' and take it with you everywhere you go.
- Find inspiration everywhere you can. Get inspired by books, songs, movies, poems and quotes.
- Take breaks. Don't stress when it comes to writing your vows. It is okay to set it down for a day because sometimes the best thoughts and the right words comes unexpectedly so try not to push it and write it all down in one sitting.
- Don't try to include everything. Your time together is special, love filled and I'm sure you have so many beautiful memories together, but try to pick what is most important to bring with you into marriage and leave the rest as beautiful memories.
- Avoid using words like 'always' and 'never'. Although it may feel like exactly what you want to say, just like the weather changes, so can the plan for the day.
- Don't promise your partner perfection. Nobody is perfect, nor will they ever be.
- Look back at the memories you've created together, dig up old photos, videos, special keepsakes, letters and mementos. This will bring up some of your favorite memories together.
- If laughing is part of who you two are, make your partner laugh during your vows so include humor or an inside joke.
- Write down everything. Using jot form in the planning process is 100% acceptable. You can craft it into beautifully written sentences later.
- Don't leave it until the very end, you want to enjoy thinking about the reasons you're making this lifelong commitment. Best practice is to have your vows ready to go at least 3 weeks before your wedding date. This will give you time to rehearse and ensure they are exactly what you want to say.
- Once you're completely done, practice reading it aloud in the mirror or driving in the car. This will allow you to get a feel for how the sound of reading it to your partner will be.
- Ask a friend or family member to listen and give some advice - but don't let them change anything you hold dear and really want to include into your vows. Remember, these are YOUR vows.
- For the day of, take your time, take a deep breath and don't rush it. You will have plenty of time to read it so do it at a pace that feels comfortable to you.
- Emotion is good. If you cry or laugh when reading them, that is 100% acceptable. This is your commitment to your partner, feeling emotion is encouraged.
When writing your vows, ask yourself these questions:
Why do you want to marry your partner?
Why is your partner the love of your life?
When did you realize you were in love with them?
How can you be the best partner to them?
How can you lift your partner up when they're feeling sad or going through a rough patch?
How have they helped lift YOU up before?
How do they make you laugh?
What is your favorite memory with them?
What is the greatest adventure you have ever been on?
How did you feel when you first met them?
How did you feel the moment you proposed/were proposed to?
How do you feel you compliment each other?
What do you love them more than?
What will you encourage them to do during your marriage?
What have they taught you?
What do you miss most about them when they're not around?
What obstacles have you overcome together?
What are some of your favorite inside jokes or silly memories that you adore?
How did your partner change your life?
What makes your relationship strong?
What is the most important value of your relationship?
How will you strive & try to be the best version of yourself in your marriage?
Picture yourself in 10 years from now,
what does your relationship look like,
what goals have you achieved
and what obstacles have you overcome together?
How does it feel thinking about growing old with your partner?
Here is a general guide to follow to help structure your perfect vows
Start by saying your partner's name
- This will acknowledge the person you're committing your life to & to spark their full attention.
Then continue with a statement of who your partner is to you
- Are they your best friend, adventure buddy, late night snack bro, your lifetime partner, you peanut butter to your jelly, your everything, your ends of this earth, your forever and always? Tell them who they are to you.
Use a personal story to bring your vows to life
- This can be anything - a tough time you went through together, how they have helped or inspired you, your favorite memory of each other, a funny story about your relationship or your partner.
"I will always remember the time that..."
Lay out exactly what it is your promising
- Are you promising your partner protection, support, loyalty, fun, adventure, respect, love, happiness, growth, faithfulness, laughter, joy, dreams, safety, care, appreciation, devotion, sanctuary, strength? Make it clear and tell them exactly what you are promising them for your marriage.
Use romantic and/or funny vows to personalize your promises
- "I vow to always wipe your tears and have the perfect snacks ready."
- "I will love you so deeply that even by the time we are gone, our love will still echo through the mountains in the world."
- "I vow to always be the one to kill the spider."
Mention specific things the two of you will do together in your future
"I vow to always be your bestfriend and your number one fan through your dream of..."
"I vow that one day, when our love creates children, that I will sill be the partner to you that I am today. I will love your when you're tired, frustrated, upset or haven't showered in a week. I will love you and our children to the ends of this Earth."
Through thick and thin
- Don't forget to tell your partner that you will be there even when times are tough. You want to remind them that you're here to stay during the best and the worst. Write this in your own words showing them how much you value your relationship.
Wrap your vows with a look towards the future
- Mention your goals and aspirations you have for your marriage, that you will grow alongside each other. Talk about what life is going to be like in 5, 10, 20+ years down the road and express your feelings about it.
End it with a heartfelt "I love you"
- Don't forget to tell your partner that you love them. This is the reason you are making this lifetime commitment to them, so tell them.
"I love you to the sun/stars/moon and back."
"I love you with all my heart, soul and entire being."
